Published in 1964 it’s not a book you will find on the shelves of any of the uber bookstores out there. I did go to this very cool used and out of print books website and found lots! http://www.abebooks.com/. I recommend getting a copy; it makes the very best reading in the loo library.
It is in my possession, along with another title by George; Bull Cook and Authentic Historical Recipes and Practices that is part of my inheritance from my dad. These books and others–mostly science for the lay person-with his white Kitchen Aid mixer, an old Boy Scout compass, the map he made of the Battle of Chickamauga, his prize pastry spatula and a beautiful old scientific ruler for doing cosines and stuff in a leather case comprise my share of the treasures from his life. In the madness that was my apartment when I was painting I found the books in one of the piles on my floor. I sat on said floor and just howled with laughter as I read them.
The author has many titles under his belt which include Bull Cook II, How To Make The Finest Wines at Home in Old Glass or Plastic Bottles and Jugs for as Little as 10¢ a Gallon, a couple on fishing, one on hunting in Africa, one on loading rifles, pistols and shotguns and one called The History and Secrets of Professional Candy Making.
George ends the introduction of George the Housewife with a poke at so called food writers and claims; “I am a man who has cooked, kept house and brought up children, not a fly-by-night socialite and bridge player or navy or army officer’s club housewife, or of a plain self-styled authority. I write only about things that I really know about.”
From there and the exact next page, the book begins a collection of titled paragraphs. All of them are helpful tips or recipes with many useful and hilarious insights. You can get an idea just by some of the headings:
How To Set A Table On A Boat
Watch Your Man In California
Household Salt Is Dangerous And Should Be Handled With Care
Sweet Corn On The Cob Highly Critical As To Age
How To Wipe A Baby’s Posterior
Clean Your Closets When You Are In An Ugly, Angry Mood
Always Dampen the Dustpan
United States “OK” Sign Made With The Fingers Of Your Hand Can Get You In Trouble In Mexico And Central And South America
The Wooden Mop Board Is Obsolete
The Dial Telephone Is a Poor Substitute For A Girl
Be Careful To Avoid Touching Synthetic Clothing With A Gasoline Lantern
There are so many more. My all time favorite is the authors’ solution to getting the last of the ketchup out of the bottle. Of course pictures tell a thousand words so his solution is a full page picture of an upside down ketchup bottle!
There are lots of delightful pictures. Here is another showing the solution to that age old issue; answering the phone when you’ve been baking:
But the piece-de-resistance is entitled, Don’t Let Your Children Grab Your Husband By The Legs, whereby George defies the reader to not splash urine on their trousers, in the general crotch area, while standing up to pee. He declares this the worst place for children to bury their faces, even though it is a wonderful thing to have the kids run and grab the husband in loving greeting. European men do not face this denial; they pee sitting down.The book has restaurant reviews of old New York establishments and the author is none too impressed by any of them. It’s fascinating to read the menus and the prices of such aged and obsolete relics that include; La Fonda del Sol, Luchow’s, Le Pavilion, The Coach House and some that are still standing; the ’21’ Club, Lindy’s and The Oyster Bar. His brief summary of the ‘21’ club notes that; ‘New Yorkers like to go to the “21” Club, have a drink and wave at people giving the impression that they are spending the day there’ while in his description of the place includes; ‘The hunt room has a caribou and buffalo head that could stand some going over’.
All the recipes in the book have history included. Fried Chicken Sorel is the story of Agnes Sorel from Touraine France in 1422. She died young but before that she made her own clothes. Her one breast exposed style was all the rage in Europe and George writes; “You must admit that this did make a woman look honestly feminine and had its good point. At least you knew what a woman had in regards to breastworks and could avoid such treacherous things as sponge rubber falsies”. Still to come is the picture of a statue of a woman from Elizabethan times with both breasts exposed. In the caption he states “In those days, if you did not have breasts worth showing, you were really in trouble. A flat chested pendulant breasted woman just did not have a chance in life”. The actual chicken recipe begins 2 pages later over a picture of Lucrezia Borgia with one tit hanging out. He says, “As you can well see, this style did nothing for Lucrezia as she had nothing special to show”. Sorel Chicken turns out to be fried chicken with yellow food dye. One wonders where Agnes found such an item in the Middle Ages!
The author provides SCIENTIFIC PROVEN RULES THAT YOU SHOULD FOLLOW IN BUYING DRESSES AND COATS then goes into a long few pages as to how the theory of evolution is pure bunk and I quote; “Evolutionists propound unproven theories in most cases for publicity and to impress school or institutions into increasing their salaries. A little serious church going occasionally would do them a great deal of good. The have made a good living on Barnum’s famous words, “There’s a sucker born everyday” ”. Boy! The Intelligent Design guys could really use ol’ George right about now!
Thank goodness his religiosity does not extend to a prohibition on alcohol consumption. There are wine making recipes galore; Rhubarb Wine, Gooseberry Wine, Dandelion Wine, Elderberry, Chokecherry and Currant wine. He provides us with moonshine recipes as well: Parsnip Moonshine, Herter’s Jungle Juice, a family treasure made from potatoes, raisins, wheat and 4 pounds of brown sugar, and something called Mangold or German Mangel Wurzel root, using a 5 pound mangold that he claims is about a medium sized root. What’s a mangold I wonder?
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